


It's A Wonderful Life (Too Bad It Isn't Mine)

by TheAvengersMascot



Series: With A Broken Heart That's Still Beating [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Brainwashing, Forced Shapechange, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Magical Punishment, Multi, Odin's gone off the deep end, Pseudo-Incest, Stockholm Syndrome, implied dub-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 19:34:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1829701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAvengersMascot/pseuds/TheAvengersMascot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes she can almost forget how wrong it all seems. Almost, but not quite. Not when the feeling goes right down to her bones.</p><p>There has to be a reason this doesn't feel like her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's A Wonderful Life (Too Bad It Isn't Mine)

**Author's Note:**

> Filled for a norsekink prompt:  
>  _In the aftermath of Thor: The Dark World, Loki returns to Asgard to the throne scene with Odin. Odin recognizes him immediately._
> 
> _Now, Odin hasn't taken Frigga's death very well. Upon seeing Loki, the grief becomes too much and he snaps. Loki was Frigga's child, in the way Thor was Odin's, and so, Loki used to spend hours upon hours with her, would be able to mimic much of Frigga's routines and mannerism. He forces Loki to shape-shift into Frigga, and to live so, in order to fill the void her death left behind._
> 
> _Asgard is led to believe that Odin used Dark Magic in order to resurrect Frigga, and that this has affected the Queen's mind and she sometimes has delusions where she thinks she's Loki. He reassures them that is something time will heal._
> 
>   _TLDR: Odin, deeply grieved by Frigga's death, forces Loki to take Frigga's shape and live beside him so._
> 
>   _\+ "Frigga" is adjusting to her terrible near-death experience, when Thor leaves, and so he doesn't know about Odin's madness._  
>  _\+ Thor eventually returns, and recognizes Loki._  
>  _\+ (Warning: Stockholm syndrome) Loki is traumatized at this point, and unsure whether he is Frigga or Loki._
> 
>  
> 
> _All characters belong to Marvel_

There are times when she feels it more than others. Sometimes it's nothing more than a whisper, as soft as the light touch of breath when imparting a secret to another's ear. Other times it's as if the klaxon alarm of Asgard is sounding inside her mind, so loud it gnashes her teeth and makes her worry her skull may split in two. Whether loud or soft, it always remains. The nagging sense that not all is as it should be.

The feeling strikes her at odd times, gives her moments where she feels like an intruder in her own life. Moments where she catches sight of her reflection and is surprised by who she sees, as though her mind was expecting something else. Some _one_  else. Strange thoughts infiltrate her mind. As she tends the flowers in her personal garden, she can' t help but feel the task belongs in hands other than hers, that she has overstepped in some way and should leave before she is caught. But caught by whom? For what? The garden is hers, she has every right to be there. Only she doesn't. Or does she?

It's only one of many such oddities. She often finds herself thinking one thing, only to have those thoughts amended without conscious effort on her part. She'll refer to someone one way in her mind, only to have a different word come out her mouth. Each time feels just as strange as the last, and it's happening more and more. She feels it most when she looks upon her ~~father~~ husband. He is a caring, if somewhat distant, man and she does not begrudge him this. His duties are many and require him to be All-Father first, and a ~~father~~  husband second. There are times however, when all she can think is how wrong it feels. When he calls her by name and it's on the tip of her tongue to correct him only to have the impulse die away and the 'right' name won't come to her. It's always strongest when they're alone in their private rooms. He prefers she spend most of her time in their chambers. For her safety, he says. He reminds her it was not so long ago she nearly perished at the hands of an enemy. Sometimes it bothers her that she can't remember the event. Something so significant should be easy to recall, yet whenever she tries all she finds is a blank. She fills it in with details others tell her but the picture never seems quite right. Always just a little off.

Her ~~father~~ husband tells her the confusion is from undergoing such a harrowing experience and from the dark magic used to save her. The words make sense in the moment, but when she ponders over them later, she finds she wants to tell him he is wrong. She believes it's not the first time she was ever near death, nor her first exposure to dark magic. Never had she felt this way before. She wants to explain to him, but somehow when she sees him, her thoughts scatter away before she can speak them.

The strangest is when she finds herself standing in the rooms of another. It only happens when she is lost in thought. Her feet carry her, not to the chambers of the king and queen, but here. She knew this person, this man, once. Her mind conjures an image of someone tall, with dark hair and a clever smile. She thinks she misses him, only that isn't exactly it. She wishes she could articulate her feelings and explain the yearning she feels when she fingers the spines of the books on the shelves or admires the carved hilt of a throwing dagger laid across the desk. It's not quite grief, more like the absence of someone, like she is waiting for him to return from a long journey, only she knows not when or if he will come.

There is another who she misses. The All-Father tells her Thor has chosen to reside on Midgard for the time being. He has found love with a mortal. She thinks it unwise to let it stand since it will only lead to heartache, but doesn't press the matter when Thor's father overrules her objection. She doesn't say how she longs for him to come to  ~~save~~  see her. Nor does she tell him that whenever she thinks of Thor, her mind first calls him _brother_ , not _son._

She keeps these thoughts to herself, collects them, hordes them. She dare not speak them aloud when every time she tries, they vanish like mist under a noonday sun. At night, when she lay beside her ~~father~~ husband in bed, she ponders them, wonders what they mean. Some nights she is so sure she knows but her confidence wanes as the moon yields place for the sun. Things she was sure of in the dark suddenly do not hold up under the light of day. The one thing she is certain of, is she dare not let them go. If she stops thinking of them, if she forgets... no, she mustn't forget. The thought sends a stab of terror straight through to her heart, frightens her more than she ever believed possible. No, she must remember. She must persevere. One day she'll find the answer. One day she will understand.

It is of great surprise one afternoon when the doors to their chambers open and she sees not Odin, but her ~~brother~~  son. Her heart is so overjoyed at the sight she does not notice the sorrow on his face. She rushes forward to take him into her arms. It puzzles her how hesitant he is to return the embrace. Surely he missed his ~~brother~~  mother during his long absence as well, did he not? She pulls away enough to regard him. Only then does she see his eyes are filled with sadness and regret. Thor says he is sorry, repeats the apology twice before she can hear no more. She cannot fathom what he feels the need to apologize for. The wants of the heart cannot be commanded. Though she thought it unwise for him to involve himself with a mortal, she would never think to stand in the way of his happiness by forcing him to end things and return. So she stills his lips with her fingers and tells him to never doubt her love for him. Her words elicit a smile, even if it is a sad one.

Before she can question him over his melancholy, he takes her hands in his and tells her he has news. He has come to take her away to Midgard. All her doubts and reservations are for the moment forgotten. It has been an age since the two of them went on a journey together. Too long. All at once the security offered her by the palace walls seems stifling, the air too thick to breathe. Her only thoughts are of ~~escaping~~ leaving with Thor. It will be freedom. She wonders at how she never noticed how oppressive Asgard feels before this. 

Thor takes her by the hand and leads her away from the claustrophobic chamber. At one point, she spies what she thinks is blood on the head of Mjolnir, but in the excitement of leaving the palace, she finds she hasn't much room to think on it. The two of them are almost to the gates before she hesitates. What about Odin? Won't he be upset by her sudden departure? She fully intends to leave with Thor no matter what, it's only that the All-Father worries so. He will not be pleased at the thought of her away from his protection. 

His mouth set in a grim line, Thor tells her not to give any thought to him. Odin has no say in the matter. Never again will he control her. 

Thor's manner is bewildering. She can't reconcile his behaviour with what she remembers of him from before her near death. Perhaps those memories are faulty as well, like so many others she possesses. The more she thinks about it though, the more sure she is that something is wrong. Something happened that Thor wishes her not to know. By the time she reaches this conclusion, they are already at the edge of Asgard. The call of the bifrost, of adventure just on the horizon, is strong. It sweeps away her worry and draws her forward. She couldn't resist if she wanted to, and she doesn't want to. Every step feels as though a weight is coming off her shoulders and the lightness is so wonderful she thinks she would do anything to sustain it.

Inside the observatory, she gives Heimdall only a brief glance before turning her eyes to the portal. The guardian always gives her an eerie feeling and she wants nothing to spoil her new-found joy. Her ~~son~~ brother gives her hand a squeeze as the bifrost opens. She meets his eyes and smiles. He returns it, but the expression does not reach his eyes or replace the misery they hold. She really should ask him about it but as she opens her mouth to just that, they are pulled forward, hurtling through space to Midgard.

Later, she thinks. She will broach the subject later. Once they are settled on the mortal realm, she will find out why he is so sad.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Please leave a comment if you enjoyed it. You can also come say Hi to me on tumblr at [ theclassicblunders](http://theclassicblunders.tumblr.com).


End file.
